This guy, right here!

March marked a very important month for me and my family, because my youngest sister became a first time Mom and with that, I became a first time Aunt!

My nephew's name is Chance, my sister named him Chance because he is her second chance at life. I won't bother getting too deep into my sister's story, because it is not my story to tell. She's had a rough life, and has risen above circumstances beyond comprehension over the past year and a half to come out on top and in control of herself. She is someone I have started looking up to, and I hope my children will look up to her as well. It's still early in the game, but my sister is a success story for anyone who has ever been a drug addict. And now, seeing her with her newborn baby boy makes me beyond proud to call her my sister.

It wasn't always that way, and her addiction definitely put a strain on our relationship. When my sister was on drugs I would see her a few times a year, and speak to her only half of those times. I often think of how unavailable I made myself to her in the past ten years, and it hurts me to admit it, but I truly was not there for her. It was easier for me to not think about her (which was impossible, of course) and not reach out to her, than it would have been to live in the moment with her and watch her suffering. Am I a shit person for this? Maybe. But we all have our own ways of dealing with things. I had a lot going for me, a husband, kids, career... I didn't have time to worry about her (even though I did worry anyway) or "lend" her money, drive her places, offer to bail her out of situations... I know I was a bad sister, but I had to be a bad sister for my own sanity. I had to focus my energy on my own life, and children, not on my twenty-something year old sister. It wasn't my place to look out for her, she was an adult. So, our other sister took the role of big sister on. I am sorry to have put both of my sisters through that, I now see the bond they have and I would be lying if I said I don't feel twangs of envy or jealousy when I witness their closeness, and love for each other. But, I made my own bed, and I chose to be the "hard" sister, who had little to no sympathy as a way of dealing with what we were all going through as a family.

I remember when she first told me she was pregnant, it felt like my heart stopped beating. I couldn't believe that my little sister, who had just started looking after her own self was going to have a baby to raise and take care of. I wanted to be supportive but I was also angry at her for making this decision. She had no idea what she was getting herself and this poor child into. Having a baby is permanent, full time, thankless, hard work. Was she cut out for this? Time would tell... and if she wasn't, would I, or another member of our family have to step in and raise this child on her behalf? 


As the months went by, my sister became excited and took a keen interest in what was going on with her body, and the life growing inside of her. She enrolled at community college to work towards her GED diploma, she moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. She was attending her weekly Dr. Appointments, picking out baby names, cleaning second hand baby toys and furniture, I hardly recognized this beautiful woman she had turned into right before my eyes. Her drug addiction will always be with her, a daily struggle, but even that is getting easier for her. It's wonderful to watch her worry about something other than her addiction, she is happier, healthier and glowing in a way I have never experienced from her before. Back in January of 2014 I had my aura read by a Psychic. She told me there were three children in my future. I thought she was nuts, I have two children and my tubes are tied, I will never, ever have another child. Two is enough for me, my child bearing days are OVER. But now when I look back, I think -Wow, she was right! There are three children in my future. And I am so glad that this is how things worked out.

I hardly knew the love I could feel for my own children, until they were born. It was an instant, I-will-move-the-earth-for-you, never-ending love. And I now feel an extension of that love for my lovely nephew, Chance. I don't have a doubt in my mind that this boy has changed my sister's life for the better, and will continue to change her life by providing hills and mountains for her to climb throughout the rest of his life, and I am so happy for this. I hope this little guy gives her the same troubles she gave our own parents when she was a little girl, I will cry tears of laughter when he is saucy towards her, remembering how saucy her own words were back in the day. I am so excited to watch him and his Mother grow up, and to see how their bond strengthens over the years. Our family is now complete, and I couldn't feel prouder, happier or more pleased for my sister.

“We hug, but there are no tears. For every awful thing that's been said and done, she is my sister. Parents die, daughters grow up and marry out, but sisters are for life. She is the only person left in the world who shares my memories of our childhood, our parents, our Shanghai, our struggles, our sorrows, and, yes, even our moments of happiness and triumph. My sister is the one person who truly knows me, as I know her. The last thing May says to me is 'When our hair is white, we'll still have our sister love.”
― Lisa See, Shanghai Girls